The Best Way to Wake Your Kids Up in the Morning

Everyone is going to think I’m crazy, but this really works. There is only one requirement: your kids need to be sleeping in a place that is close enough to the bathroom in your house that they are able to hear when people enter and leave. Also, I suppose this only works if you only have one bathroom. So two requirements then.

You know how, when you first wake up in the morning, you usually need to use the bathroom right away? This strategy is based on that principle. Okay, so here is how it goes:

First, in the kindest, most gente voice that you know how to produce, pop your head into their room(s) and say something nice like “Hi, guys. Time to get up. I love you.” Then quietly walk away.

Then, enter the bathroom and close the door with just enough force so that you know they’ve heard you doing it.

Proceed to get ready for the day. As you go about your morning routine, your progeny will gradually come to the realization that they need to use the bathroom very badly, and will become concerned that the time that it takes for you to finish up will be greater than the time that it takes for them to die. The anxiety produced should be sufficient to cause them to be unable to sleep any more, and by the time you’re done, they should be fully awake (and very excited to get out of bed.)

There’s only one way this can go wrong, and that’s if you take so long that they become angry. Then the rest of your morning will likely suck. If you’re unable to get ready quickly, then maybe figure something else out.

That’s it! That’s all.

By Ben Wolf

It's a secret!

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