Twenty Fourteen has been a year of unprecedented drastic change for your humble narrator, oh my brothers and sisters. This was the year it all teetered on the edge of a knife one last time before coming to rest in a position which was both impossibly horrific and tremendously difficult to bear, although in the interest of full disclosure I should allow you to become aware of the pure and simple fact that I fully deserved every last bit of that pain.
I’d never thrown up from pure emotion before. That happened this year. It was in July.
Also, though, I’d never really grown up before either, and that happened this year, too. You know what they say about no pain no gain? Yeah, unfortunately that’s sort of true. I’ll use ‘sort of’ that way if I want to, Strunk & White’s be damned. It’s New Year’s Eve.
I’m not drunk. In fact, you couldn’t pay me any amount of anything to take a drink, because life is priceless, and that’s what would be getting flushed right down the toilet if I were to take one. I don’t know why it took the whole world burning down for me to be able to see that, but everything happens for a reason, right?
To be honest, I’ve found a great deal of joy in 2014, even though every bit of it has been laced with a kind of pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Even though it was terrible, it was necessary. There isn’t a happy ending for it yet, but that’s going to have to be okay for now.
Every moment is an opportunity to be reborn, to live again, to break past the lies and allow the truth to set me free. Every day is a new beginning, a clean slate, a blank canvas.
2014 has taught me that it truly is better to give than to receive. It has taught me that we really do reap what we sow in this life, and that everything which is done in secret shall indeed be made known. A long time ago, I made the silent request that I be held accountable for my wrongs in this life, rather than in the next. We use terms like these because we lack the capacity to understand what is actually going on in the here and now, as it would shred the physical housing of our mind for us to be exposed to the truth of what really is. And that’s just going to have to be okay for now. The fact is, though, that it is so much better to deal with our wrongs now than to carry them with us through life, wrapped up in darkness and kept hidden deep in our souls, which they slowly contaminate and destroy, causing us to poison everything we hold most dear.
I’m really tired, so it could very well be that none of this is making much sense. At least that should be consistent, though, with the rest of this blog, which I imagine should probably make about as little sense as possible to a normal, healthy, rational human being.
Then there are the rest of us, though, and these are those whom I hope to reach.
At any rate, may your 2015 be as supremely awesome as mine is going to be. As always, it is my privilege to call you friends.