I know that I can’t rightly blame a chemical for my own actions and choices.
Through science itself, though, (as in the repetetive reproduction of circumstances in a controlled environment, for the purpose of observation and research, and the resulting knowledge thereof) I have found alcohol to be an especially effective catalyst for personal disaster.
What does this mean? Is it the fault of alcohol itself that I have encountered this pain? No, of course not. But this pain, as the result of much trial and error, has led me to accept the pure and simple fact that the pursuit of my life’s highest purpose cannot include my participation in the furtherance of alchoholic meanderings.
I have accepted this now. Every day the truth of this realization settles into place just a little bit more.
The depth of the joy that I have discovered, however, in my interactions with God (especially while they are unfettered by active addiction) is unspeakable. I cannot begin to describe it. Maybe I should try, anyways, though. It couldn’t hurt.
[Fair warning: following is a mild spoiler of the 2015 film Interstellar: skip this post if you’ve not seen it, and you’re planning to, and you don’t like spoilers.]
I watched the movie Interstellar yesterday. I don’t think it would be possible for a guy to say enough good things about it in general, but my favorite part was when the protagonist found himself trapped in a construct composed of some incomprehensible manipulation of the fabric of space-time itself (you have to watch the film to understand — a good explanation, while not impossible, eludes me at the moment). This predicament, while potentially tedious, nevertheless provided him with virtually unlimited freedom to experience the Now in a certain type of way, and this freedom gave him the power to affect real, positive change in the universe. What I have found is that deliberate spiritual engagement, in conjunction with intentional sobriety, after an intense personal cataclysm, resulting in very much pain…resembles such a state. I find that, when I am conscious and intentional in my chasing of the Light, I am capable of free access to what really does seem to me like the very Source of life itself, via my own human consciousness.
That really is what it feels like to me, though, and if the baic choice really comes down to intoxicated reprieve versus existential bliss, then…well, it’s really not much of a comparison, to be honest.