I just don’t know how much more I can take. I’m really tired. Just being honest. I haven’t been able to really figure out how to say anything for a while, and even when the ideas begin to flow, once I go to write them down it just gets all tangled and weird. It’s just overwhelming, you know? All that emotion. I drank and drank and drank all those years, and just pushed it all down, and the only thing that was able to shock me out of that cycle completely was an emotional hell, the intensity of which it has taken me boring into the exact center of the spirit of Jesus Christ, the very son of the Living God, in order to correctly face. I just have to stay there, curled up and soaking in the purest source of love imaginable. Way past imagining. But this is it, just me complaining, I guess, but there’s nothing else left right now. Without God I would be blind drunk and punching myself in the face or something else equally stupid, howling away about the injustice the world…but here I am, glowing inside with sufficiency, and so very, very tired. I will not let go, though. Never again. That’s what I did before. I let go. I was tricked into falling into a sort of a very weird type of sleep, actually, I think, and then the letting go just sort of happened as naturally as could be, but it still happened before, and I will never do it again. I will remain fixed, locked onto the target of that simple inner peace, and no matter how badly I’m distracted by people and things, I will not be shaken.
