I have not posted anything I’ve written in a good long while! Seems like it must have been at least six months. Gosh, that’s horrible. Like, what kind of person could perform such negligence?
Mostly, I feel a deep necessity to not die without having created something. Specifically, without having created the right thing. Not even a thing especially good, or especially bad, but rather the thing that was originally intended. Sometimes I feel like I must think about death a lot, but I don’t believe that’s actually what it is. In all actuality, what I am thinking about is life, and, more specifically, how I deeply desire that, when all said and done, my own life will have mattered in the way it was supposed to, more or less.
This outcome could only be the case if God were real, though.
I guess, to me, the existence of everything else seems already so absolutely insane, that the addition of God, and demons, and angels seems a trivial stretch for the imagination to encompass. I’m already a self-aware mass of organic tissue, having a complex intellectual/emotional/physical experience and carrying out a (theoretically) ordered existence while being somewhat magnetically stuck to a giant ball of dirt that’s hurling and swirling through an infinite void, magically avoiding being hit by the incomprehensible number of other, similar objects, due to something called physical laws, which I don’t even begin to have the knowledge or wherewithal to attempt explaining. It’s all rather a bit much, to be given to understand that all of this simply is, and that we haven’t even a shadow of a way to begin explaining any of it. Also, there’s the fact that we all seem haunted by a yearning for literally just about any explanation. Under these circumstances, perhaps being also given to understand that the Bible is a legitimate record of just such an explanation — however vague or veiled, or however literal — isn’t such an absurdly big pill to swallow.