I keep forgetting to be alive right now. It’s only the most important thing in the entire universe for anyone to ever remember, and that’s probably a big part of the reason why it keeps happening.
Fears, worries, anxieties, the pressures of day-to-day life…all of these things basically make me just want to escape and forget that anything is real. I mean, that’s why I drank for so long. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
Psychiatric treatment has never done anything for me. Not the therapy, not the meds…none of it. There is only one source of peace that I’ve actually found to have not been lacking in any way, but it requires an absolute surrender of the soul, and that must be done moment by moment. This is not always easy, although in and of itself it is the easiest thing in the world. It’s hard when I make it hard. It’s hard when I refuse to accept how easy it is.
It’s hard when I demand my own way, instead of accepting what is.
It is the same for all of us in this Way.
I will remember.
I will refuse to allow these thieves to have my actual self.
I am reminded of something that this one dude Paul said one time:
“Whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest,
whatsoever things are just,
whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely,
whatsoever things are of good report;
if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
In other words, be aware of the things that are good. Be so aware of the good that there is no more room to dwell on the bad. Be alive right now. Refuse to give in. Don’t let fear have one more second of your time while you are alive here on Earth.
When the accuser pipes up and reminds you to be afraid, use every last drop of that deep rebel strength, and choose laughter instead.
Be alive. Be very alive.