It doesn’t matter so much where you happen to be right now in your journey. What matters most is the direction you are headed. Life is about change. Everything in this world is constantly changing in some way, if not many ways all at once. We learn from how we change. We learn through the pain of changing from what we are now into what we want to be. Really, then, to be in an absolutely hopeless, desperate situation is to be in a situation with great potential.
These are the kinds of thoughts that I am choosing to have. I have to fight to choose them, because they are not ones I am accustomed to having. My mind has been warped and hardened into a very inconveniently negative shape through a lifetme of negatively propelled thinkingness, and to change that requires conscious effort in the other direction. When despair sets in, that is when I have to reject it and consciously choose to focus on hope instead, even though it doesn’t seem right to me. When offence comes, I have to choose forgiveness instead. Doing this goes against the grain of my whole entire being, but I do it anyway. Sometimes it feels just about impossible to do, but I do it anyway. The longer I keep at it, though, the more natural it begins to seem.
I’m maybe three months into the real struggle now, and I do have to say, it has gotten easier. That’s not to say it has gotten easy. It hasn’t. I keep doing it, though, not because I enjoy the pain of changing, but because my kids deserve the father that I am becoming. I keep doing it because the world needs more of who I am becoming, and it seriously does not need any more of who I have been. I keep doing it because it’s what I want more than anything else in the universe. To change. To be better. To be everything that I have the potential to become.
If I can do this, then so can you.